The Liar

Today I met the biggest lying fool of all time.  And his name is Phillip.

Phillip is a German (I’m pretty sure) that has lived some time in Canada (I think) and also went to college for one semester in the US (according to him).

Enough with the (disclaimers)…this guy is frighteningly full of crap.

I had run into him once before when I was going through a major hamburger crisis.  I was saying that I wanted an American hamburger…he asked me where I was from…and told me that I wasn’t really American.

I was a bit confused by this.  For some odd reason he feels that Californians are not Americans.  Mmm…OK.  Sure.  Right.  Moving on…

He came by today and I instantly started to dislike him.  I had my flag hanging outside and it had started to rain so I pulled it in.  He started telling me how Americans hate him.  Me being me…told him that there are lots of Americans and I’d be surprised that we all hate him; I don’t remember discussing this with my neighbors.  He didn’t quite get it and told me about how the FBI has been tailing him, and forced him to leave the country.

The story is that he was at some Bush rally with a communist flag…was branded a terrorist…and the FBI made him leave the country.  Sure.  Right.  Moving on…

So I decided to pull an old trick…ignore.  I just let him babble in the background while I did something else.  I was playing a game on the computer and he started talking about cars.  Of course I had to give him a bit more attention…after all that is one of my favorite subjects.

He told me of a friend of his, a lawyer, that has a Porsche with 4 nitrous ports.  I could see 1 port…main intake track.  Perhaps 2, one for each bank of cylinders.  Even 6, one for each cylinder.  But 4 don’t quite make sense.  Conceivable sure…normal no.  Whatever.

Then he told me that this lawyer friend gets $5 million US (he emphasized this point) a month from his dad.  Oh, but there is more!  This lawyer is a consultant for the Mafia and charged $1.5 million US (again…that was important to him to have me know it was US)…he charges $1.5 million US PER HOUR.

Sure.  Right.  Moving on…

Some other Phillip gems…
-“Americans are easy to kill.”  You see, he was in the German army and learned that in the army.  I’m not quite sure how many Americans he killed…but it must have been a ton of us ‘cause we are…after all…easy to kill.
-The military, his countries military, had his girlfriend killed in Afghanistan in order to get him to…I think…stay in the army.  It was all a plot you see.  They needed to make him mad.  But he found out!  Oh!  Wow!  

All of us know those types of people that lie in order to impress others.  Some are subtle, some are blatant.  Some are so painfully and obviously blatant that they become a joke.

Phillip is the King.  

I am seriously questioning the Les Roches application process.